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I’m a midwife who’s been up all night for most of the last 30 years. Before that, I was editor of a small town newspaper. I left that job swearing I’d never face another 3 am deadline. Now I’m thinking...
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Not what I thought it would be…
So I thought I’d be posting about midwife stuff. Instead, I’m bawling into a wad of Kleenex after the second of what’s going to be a whole series of breast biopsies. Not that this is anything new. I’ve...
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Now we are Amazon (look it up).
Guess I had my meltdown earlier this week, before any actual diagnosis. Am just kind of dull right now. Stayed home from work Tuesday and nursed the biopsied breast. Like any good patient ignored...
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Late night thoughts…
Lewis Thomas had his, prompted by Mahler’s 9th Symphony. And I’ve got mine, though none so lofty. Mine are like: Geez–nobody looked up Amazon (previous post). Everybody’s so freaked by the damned...
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Hot diggity!
Wow. I didn’t expect to be giddy with relief after the surgeon’s appointment today. Like Cinderella at the ball. Or Dorothy home in Kansas. The three page birth plan is back in force. There will likely...
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Sh*t.
I hate having meltdowns. So I had two on Sunday. Sort of because my neck was killing me and Tylenol doesn’t cut it. And the chiropractor wasn’t in (lazy sod). Retaliated by eating three ice cream...
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It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…
So I spent the last two days trying to take a friend’s advice. “Quit feeling sorry for yourself and write something interesting.” He was a little more tactful than that, but I got the message. I did...
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Fear and its antidote
I’m afraid. It’s 4 am, I’m watching Downton Abbey for the first time, and can’t keep my mind on it. I’ve looked (yet again) at photos of breasts in various stages of de- and re-construction. I speak to...
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Surgery sucks.
Except when it saves your life. But it’s awful in ways having my appendix and gallbladder out 20 years ago weren’t awful. Those surgeries felt like dental procedures in comparison. Of course, there is...
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Now what?
Wrote this about a week ago and thought I’d lost it in the ether…far be it from me to waste words, so I’ll just go ahead and post it. June 27, 2013: OK, something has shifted in the last 48 hours. I’m...
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“They’re heeere…”
Foobs. Fake boobs. Rising out of nothingness…Suddenly. In Biblical fashion. The surgeons very kindly took me seriously when I said the prospect of traditional dual mastectomy horrified me. They...
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The Heartbreak of Phantom Bra Pain
One of the more irritating features of this breast-building business is the tissue expander stage. Folks who have augmentation without mastectomy will have smaller implants placed either behind the...
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In the manner of my people…
OK. So I said I wasn’t angry. I’ll take that back now. But being pissed off has got nothing to do with breast cancer. At least nothing wherein I can prove causation and sue people, anyhow. Those of you...
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Ode to a Bereft Doe
Robert Burns’ famous poem might just as well apply to the wild rabbit–our local cottontail. Lagomorph, not rodent (look it up, or read on). Full text, in more modern language, follows later. They do...
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Genesis, revisited.
An interesting thing happened today. I found a baby garter snake curled around a fallen apple. Took it (the snake, not the apple) to show my husband, because he’s into that sort of thing. Told him...
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Treat your children well…
I don’t know what I was expecting going into this Angelina Jolie-breast-preservation-mastectomy thing. Or maybe I do, if I get honest. I think I was expecting to look and feel pretty much like I did...
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Treat your children well...
Reblogged from Situational Midwifery: I don't know what I was expecting going into this Angelina Jolie-breast-preservation-mastectomy thing. Or maybe I do, if I get honest. I think I was expecting to...
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I’m wounded and can’t get my bra off.
Anyone tired of pain and angst and wimmen’s stuff can go home right now. But I can’t get off this bus and writing’s a distraction, so I’m gonna stay right here and bore y’all to death. I’ve taken the...
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9/11. Glass half full?
So I went to the doctor to pick out new breasts. At least I hope they’ll be breasts. Or like breasts. Breast-like will do in a pinch. The things my chest has been hosting are definitely not. And I’ve...
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Girl Talk!
Let’s go back for a moment to my 6th grade class. It’s in one of those bungalows set high above the asphalt so nobody but the principal can see inside. But only if he’s on a horse. Thirty six sweaty...
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